Let's Make A Deal
Alright, football; it's time to make peace.
We've had a rough past, you and I. I was a soccer player, and I always resented the attention you got without earning it. You were the fair-haired child, I the ugly duckling, and for that I mocked you, resented you, opposed you.
But in the past few years I've begun to soften. You do have some merit, despite your arrogance. You're entertaining, no doubt, and while I don't exactly understand the reverence with which you are often treated, I do enjoy taking in games. So we're doing well, all things considered. But something has got to change.
Your commentators are out of control. I've heard the phrase, "The World's Largest Outdoor Cockail Party" some four-hundred and twenty-three times today. One announcer today lauded his game's greatness saying, "That's the great thing about football; except at the national championship level, they decide who's number one on the field." Now I could spend hours discussing the BCS, but let me ask just pose this question: What sport doesn't decide who wins by playing?!
I am calling for a ban on all football announcers. Henceforth, all games will be shown without commentary. No color announcing, no play-by-play. I just can't handle the stupidity anymore.
I'm sick of listening to former players sit in a booth and attempt to sound intelligent. Admit it: You're only an announcer because you played in school, and you played in college, not because of your uncanny understanding of the game, but because you were a three-hundred pound freak of nature. You are not smart, you are not funny, and you abuse the english language worse than our President. John Madden's explanation of an imcomplete pass ("oh, there's the problem: he dropped the ball") is, sadly, the rule and not the exception. I don't know why you feel the need to treat us like we're stupid. If I hear one more announcer use the phrase "the football" I'm going to scream. Announcers claim, "They've got to run the football," or "you've got to protect the football." Ok, we get it, that weird lookin brown thing is called a football, you don't have to remind us. Do you really think that, were you to just say, "we've got to be able to throw better," we'd think you were talking about something else. Would we sit at home, scratch our heads and muse, "Man, why do they want to throw their helmets better?"
Let's make a deal. You remove all commentary from your game, and I'll forgive your hubris. We can be friends, you and I. Given time, I think this could be a beautiful relationship.
We've had a rough past, you and I. I was a soccer player, and I always resented the attention you got without earning it. You were the fair-haired child, I the ugly duckling, and for that I mocked you, resented you, opposed you.
But in the past few years I've begun to soften. You do have some merit, despite your arrogance. You're entertaining, no doubt, and while I don't exactly understand the reverence with which you are often treated, I do enjoy taking in games. So we're doing well, all things considered. But something has got to change.
Your commentators are out of control. I've heard the phrase, "The World's Largest Outdoor Cockail Party" some four-hundred and twenty-three times today. One announcer today lauded his game's greatness saying, "That's the great thing about football; except at the national championship level, they decide who's number one on the field." Now I could spend hours discussing the BCS, but let me ask just pose this question: What sport doesn't decide who wins by playing?!
I am calling for a ban on all football announcers. Henceforth, all games will be shown without commentary. No color announcing, no play-by-play. I just can't handle the stupidity anymore.
I'm sick of listening to former players sit in a booth and attempt to sound intelligent. Admit it: You're only an announcer because you played in school, and you played in college, not because of your uncanny understanding of the game, but because you were a three-hundred pound freak of nature. You are not smart, you are not funny, and you abuse the english language worse than our President. John Madden's explanation of an imcomplete pass ("oh, there's the problem: he dropped the ball") is, sadly, the rule and not the exception. I don't know why you feel the need to treat us like we're stupid. If I hear one more announcer use the phrase "the football" I'm going to scream. Announcers claim, "They've got to run the football," or "you've got to protect the football." Ok, we get it, that weird lookin brown thing is called a football, you don't have to remind us. Do you really think that, were you to just say, "we've got to be able to throw better," we'd think you were talking about something else. Would we sit at home, scratch our heads and muse, "Man, why do they want to throw their helmets better?"
Let's make a deal. You remove all commentary from your game, and I'll forgive your hubris. We can be friends, you and I. Given time, I think this could be a beautiful relationship.
posted by Nialator at 1:29 AM
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