Thursday Storms

I am currently trapped, both literally and figuratively, in the library and don't appear to be anywhere near escaping either my religion paper or the latest in this evening's round of freak thunderstorms. From where I'm sitting in ZSR Library I've been able to listen to this particular cloud roar across the building's surprisingly flimsy roof from my right to left. I wish I had been here during the hail earlier.
The rain is so loud that I can hear it over my Jacques Loussier. I swear there is no better rain music around when you're feeling upbeat. I really must go back to my work, but if you haven't heard Jacques' theme and four variations on Beethoven's Allegretto from Symphony 7 on a rainy day, I would highly recommend you try it. I love college.

Joy

Note: I feel quite certain I've written on this topic before, but it's on my mind again so you'll have to indulge me.

I just got back from my first computer science test and I'm still in one piece, which, I think, is worth something. I also got back my first econ test this morning: a 92 which is both exciting and disappointing at the same time. The jury is still out of Spanish; I'll keep you posted.
The past two weeks or so have been difficult for me, both because of the increased workload that comes with testing and the emotional overload of any number of events. I've found less time for socializing, sleeping, watching television, and pretty much everything else I like to do. I've had relationship issues with friends, grading issues with teachers, and personal issues with myself. Why, then, am I so darn happy right now?
I have issues with the band Casting Crowns, but I can't help but listen to their stuff because, musically, it's just too good to ignore. "Praise You in this Storm" is about joy, I think. The chorus goes:
"I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands; for You are who You are no matter where I am. Every tear I've cried you hold in your hands. You never left my side, so though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm."
I've thought about that a lot since the funeral, wondering if that would be my prayer after losing a loved one. I don't think I'll ever forget seeing Dr. Gilbert singing hymns at Brent's funeral. His upturned face reminded me of the times he talked about joy, about how it is distinct from happiness (in that it is not dependent on the "happenings"), about how it is a gift from God. I haven't talked to him since Brent's death and can't begin to imagine his emotional state right now, but I wonder if perhaps he's been given a new perspective on the topic. I can't imagine what that perspective is, but I would like to know his thoughts. Because I've hardly been persecuted at Wake; I've been blessed beyond my wildest imaginations. I wouldn't trade my friends, my brothers, or pretty much any part of my experience thus far for anything (with the notable exceptions of Chi Omega and my goth next door neighbor). And so when I look back on the relatively more difficult time of these past two weeks, I get a certain joy that's hard to explain.
Perhaps it's better expressed in the present. I just took a comp sci test which I could very easily have aced and may very well have failed. I honestly don't know. But I do know that I'm learning in that class, that I'm getting better. I also know that I have a frisbee game with both old and new friends in two hours and that I get to sing tonight. I know I have friends, family, and a girlfriend who love me. I know that I have friends back home that remember me even when I drop off the face of the earth. These are all good things, and they make me happy.
But the kicker is that I've decided that, while I love these things and are thankful for them, they are not neccesar for joy. Joy is easy in the land of abundance, but is just as relevant "when I'm found in the desert place, when I walk through the wilderness." Looking back on some of the harder moments in my life, I realize that God's joy was there all the time, sustaining me when happiness was not enough.
I remember walking around Camp Hanes during Preschool and thinking about all that could potentially go wrong once I got to Wake. Some of those fears have materialized; most have not. But the thought crossed my mind (I only half believed it then, I'm coming around now) that regardless of how many things went wrong that the simple fact that I was going and that God was going with me was enough. I think I understood joy better in that moment than I ever have or do now because at that moment I had completely dissociated joy from happiness. I looked and saw the world around me and acknowledged that it was good, regardless of my personal circumstances. And that, I think is enough. Check back with me during some real persecution and we'll see how my thesis stands up.

Not exactly wholesome

Rob and Megan and I had a long conversation last night about the merits of alcoholic consumption and its "wholesomeness." I tended to side with Rob on most issues, but now I'm having second thoughts. This story changed my mind. Maybe Megan has a point...

Why I read the BBC

I don't usually catch the morning, evening, or late night news. The reasons for this are many and a few of them are actually legitimate, but the important thing to know is that in order to keep up with what's going on in the world I have to look to alternative sources for news. One source is the 11 o'clock hour on comedy central, which I view with a passion only slightly short of religious zeal, but even I recognize that certain stories can slip through the cracks of two half-hour comedy shows (and no, Lewis Black cannot catch them all). So I occasionally check out the BBC news online.
Why the BBC? Well, there are several advantages. First there's the spelling (I just love the look of programme and colour). Then there's the certain smug sense of superiority that comes from being around British accents, even in print. But most importantly, I go to the BBC because the English are just funny.
Today's news has been especially rewarding. If you look at the front page, you'll be sure to see all kinds of things. Sure, you'll have your regular stories about Afghanistan and the like. But on closer inspection, you might find a real jewel, like this story about Columbian girlfriends on a sex strike. Wander farther into the sight and you'll find a wonderful argument on the darkside of communism.
And then there's the sports coverage. Where else can you go for top-notch reporting on cricket, disability sports (yes, as is special olympics), something called "athletics" (whatever that means), rugby, something called "bowls", darts, "netball", or an entire site devoted to snooker? And the reporting is out of this world. Here are a few headlines from today's sports pages:
"Kong in hot water after crash"
"Flintoff pick surprises Pointing"
"Boon backs Broad's England future"
"Dogged Durham defy the Red Rose"
"Defiant White keeps Notts at bay"
And the kicker: "Warne in the wars against Worcs"
I love the BBC and will continue to read their adorable take on the world. Why? Because it makes me feel smart to say I bring up a story I read on the BBC in conversation, and it makes me feel superior to be able to say "I don't get my news from those trite mainstream american stations. Only the best for me, right-o chap?"
Now if only I could say that while listening to modern jazz on my iPod and drinking a mocha...I'd be a true college student indeed.

XP

It's funny how quickly things change. One year ago I was a high school senior, biding my time and waiting to get out of town. One month ago I was weedeating in Oakdale Cemetary. And one week ago I was just trying to find my way through Wake Forest, trying to discover in what ways I could get involved and struggling to get all my homework done. It was last Wednesday that I hit the turning point.
One week ago I was singing with the WFU Gospel Choir. Roman, the tenor section leader stood next to me as the chior held hands and prayed. The next evening I sat through a mandatory freshman convocation called "Alcohol Speak Out." You can imagine how receptive the audience was. I had a tryout scheduled for Chir Rho, the all-male christian a cappella (again, I can't spell that term) group on campus, so I slipped out (more or less) unnoticed and descended into the depths of Scales Fine Arts Center. There I encountered none other than Roman, my section leader from the night before, who was completely unaware of who I was. I couldn't resist the oppurtunity.
"You don't know me," I said, "but we held hands last night." After one of the more awkward moments ever I explained that I was in Gospel Choir. I then proceded to completely screw up my tryout.
Well, the fates aligned and I got into Chi Rho. In case you're wondering, the name is derived from the first two greek letters in "Christ" and is represented in english, conveniently, simply XP. In a 16 hour period I went from pathetic audition guy to pathetic group member on a retreat in Lake Lure, NC. I won't go into all the details, but suffice it to say I am one awkward turtle. Furthering the strange rapid progression of our relationship, Roman and I shared a room.
When man is weak grace prevails. I had a blast over the weekend and in the ensuing days. Now, less than a week after deciding to audition, I have just returned from my first performance. Considering we had had only one practice, all went well I suppose. After we walked offstage a few of our members promptly prooceded to exit the building, but most of us stayed behind in the hallway; we could still hear the people clapping. The pastor of the the church at which we were performing had organized the crowd in cheering for an encore which presented two problems:
1) we had literally used every song we knew in the performance
2) three of our members had just left the building.
Christian ran out and returned with Tyler, but it was too late for Roman and James. Now back on stage with no idea what to do, Taylor turned to us and said, "How about 'Lion'?" He then turned and began to sing the solo to "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" as the rest of us composed our own harmonies in the background. To compensate for the lack of musical intricacy, Flavin, Taylor and Eric began making animal noises in the background. We certainly won no awards for that performance, but the crowd at least seemed to buy it.
For those who are interested, http://chirho.com has information on the group, where we're performing and how you can (hint hint) buy cd's to help support the ministry and our upcoming tour in europe. More on all of this later, but for now I've got to go collect my thoughts. Oh yeah, and do some homework. So maybe not everything has changed in a week.